I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
