dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
