my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
