You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
