She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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