kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
