I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
