Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
