So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
