we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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