Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
