Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
