if you like me you must not know who I am
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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