I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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