what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize