I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize