Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
