I accidentally had phone sex last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
