so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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