it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
