how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
