i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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