They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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