There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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