Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
worst night to have a conscience
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
