We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
