Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
