Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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