You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
