I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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