I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
