he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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