what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Screwed.edu
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
