Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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