I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
