I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
