he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
