I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
