Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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