You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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