i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I lost the right to judge tonight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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