I checked into jail on foursquare
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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