Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
