I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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