If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
