i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
