I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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