Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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