So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
