i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
