You work out of a Hotel?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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