i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
