Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
