u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
