Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
