3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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