i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
