So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
