Screwed.edu
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
