She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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