Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
