She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
