I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize