i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
