I accidentally had phone sex last night
Say something about gay babies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
