I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
