too bad you live with your parents still
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
