he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do herpes really smell.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
