is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
