So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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