They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
