I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
