I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize