Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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