Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
