It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
